karnythia: (Default)
[personal profile] karnythia
Full disclosure, I’m married & have been for 7 years. I was with my husband for 4 years before I married him. I also have an ex husband that I was with for 4 years before that. Basically I have spent my entire adult life either in a serious relationship or married. I was also one of those people with a series of long term high school relationships. What I know about being single could possibly fit in the palm of my hand ya dig? Okay, so having said all of that I need to talk about something I’m noticing right now.

I started a new job last week, and one of my new coworkers seems to have decided that he wants to take a shot. Yes he knows I’m married with kids. No, I don’t know why that isn’t registering as a No. He led with “I’m 47, single, employed with no kids. How many black men can say that?” For obvious reasons I was not impressed, but I let him make his pitch, shut it down & kept it moving.

Today he saw me in the hallway, snapped his fingers, & gestured for me to come to him while calling me “young lady” in a tone I parsed as fit for puppies. I did not respond to that summons (I might have looked at him like he spontaneously grew a 2nd head & was spitting pea soup. Maybe.), & so he followed me wanting to know why I wasn’t responding to him. I asked him if I looked like the type to ever respond well to that kind of behavior, he made some crack about me being a rebel, & I pointed out that I’m not a pet. He opined that I’m full of myself, I told him I know my own worth and that I now understand why he’s 47 and single. It is possible I invited him to find his lane, as any one that I am in is clearly outside of his skill set.

Now, let me be clear about the state of this guy. We make about the same amount of money (we have the same job & we work for an employer with standardized pay scales that are public), he is not hideous, but also not particularly attractive, and he has yet to speak of anything that might be of interest to me. No books, no movies, no music, no politics, literally all of our conversations are that pleasant neutrality that you get when you don’t have anything in common with someone & you don’t detest them. Also he is the kind of person to wear a purple checked shirt with purple paisley cuffs to a funeral & think that he’s doing something major. I might feel some kind of way about his attire choices, but I admit I’m shallow and he reminds me of Uncle Fester so I’m not inclined to be charitable.

Yes, I’m aware that I could be nicer about/to this dude. But I don’t want to be, and I don’t feel any obligation to pretend that he has a shot. He fancies himself to be a great catch (and hell, maybe he is for someone somewhere, I just don’t know who because the shoes and the tie he wore with that shirt were a crime y’all. A CRIME.), but mostly I’m trying to figure out why he thinks that being employed and sans a criminal record is enough. This man knows nothing about my interests, has told me nothing of his interests, and yet he thinks I should be falling all over myself to get his attention because he’s done the bare minimum of not going to jail and being capable of self support. Is this what’s hot in the streets now? Are cats out here with their egos so gassed up they can’t imagine that they need to be interesting, funny, hell…relevant in some way in order to pull a partner? Please explain this to me, because I’m going to hurt this fool’s feelings & his future if he doesn’t get a clue after today. Why am I supposed to want a man so bad I accept the bare minimum?

Date: 2012-10-30 12:28 am (UTC)
onyxlynx: The words "Onyx" and "Lynx" with x superimposed (Default)
From: [personal profile] onyxlynx
Why am I supposed to want a man so bad I accept the bare minimum?

Particularly since you already "have" a man and are not poly?

(No, I don't get it either. No, you don't need to be nicer. Some people cannot learn anything without massive application of the clue-by-four to the head.)

Date: 2012-10-30 01:37 am (UTC)
eldritch_panda: The words "screw body fascism" are cut out and pinned to a wall. It's from the tv show Huge. (Default)
From: [personal profile] eldritch_panda
The fact that he thinks it's appropriate to snap at someone demonstrates to me that he's not a fucking catch. The is demeaning as hell.

Date: 2012-10-30 04:52 am (UTC)
willow: Raspberry on black background. Text: Original Unfiltered Willow (Willow:Unfiltered)
From: [personal profile] willow
Part of me almost thought it was cultural. Except the only ppl I know, the only men - who ever snapped at me and called me 'Young Lady'. Were teachers in British System schools, when they were in conversation with another adult, and expected me to know to wait for them to finish.

Usually it was by one's last name though. And the snap was for attention in even a soft din of student noise in a hallway or yard.

I can't even w/ a grown adult to ANOTHER GROWN ADULT.

Date: 2012-10-30 06:41 am (UTC)
jackandahat: (Default)
From: [personal profile] jackandahat
And yet, I bet he's going to be shocked when you do put him back in his place and make him cry. *shakes head*

I saw someone counselling you to calm in the LJ version of this post. I say "Do what you need to". This type never get the hint when it's hints, so. Good luck to you, may witnesses and an alibi be on your side.

Date: 2012-10-31 02:01 pm (UTC)
whatcoloredeyessee: (Default)
From: [personal profile] whatcoloredeyessee
He needed to fuck off when he found out you weren't interested. End of story.

Date: 2012-10-31 06:19 pm (UTC)
bibliofile: Fan & papers in a stack (from my own photo) (Default)
From: [personal profile] bibliofile
It may not matter what you do or say to him. Instead, he'll have just another big question mark in the category "why don't I have a woman".
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