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Kid #2 has special needs. You would think this is a post complaining about him, but it’s not. He’s great. What’s not great is having to treat each new school year like war has been declared & I have to get boots on the ground before they do. I’ve already had to get the state involved once, and I had to threaten to do that again today. Things are squared away now (mostly), but only because I’m such a know it all bitch so I made them show and prove & that stopped a lot of dumb shit in its tracks. I hate the IEP process more than I have ever hated anything in my life & it’s so fucking ridiculous that it has to be this way. And if you’re not the kind of parent who defaults to aggression? I don’t know how you do it. Because being nice has yet to get me anywhere with the school system. I start at dickhead & they settle right down and do what the fuck they’re supposed to do, but I’m disgusted that I have to do that so regularly.
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Kid #1 had his first date & his first kiss today. I am not amused. OMG I am not amused.
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Planning to use some of the back child support for a new TV. Pretty sure that plays into many a stereotype, but kid #1 has food, clothes, medical care, & extra curriculars paid for already so I'll happily do that. Probably buy new pots & pans today too.
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I have been won over to the dark side & thus we are spending Xmas day shooting at each other with Nerf guns. Thus far kid #2 is winning which would worry me, but I already knew he was a little trickster. Merry Xmas to all of you who celebrate it.
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The school the kids (5 & 12) are at now sucks. We know it & we're planning to switch schools over the winter break. But this last few weeks there have been a bunch of problems in kid #1's class. Now, I freely admit he's deep into bored smart kid shenanigans like building weapons out of school supplies. He hasn't used them on anyone, but he did get a detention for making them. We felt that was totally fair & told him to keep them at home. But there are other problems with his teacher that have persisted for weeks now. She's incredibly disorganized (or so she says) and we've had some issues with his grades being low because she didn't grade his work, or didn't record the grades that she wrote on his paper. It gets fixed (he's a packrat, so we can show it to her), but it has me deep in the valley of side eye because it keeps happening.

She's quick to tell us how bad she thinks the whole class is, and how out of control they are with their attitudes or whatever. But she seems to have decided that kid #1 is an extra special problem child. The latest thing is that someone called her a bitch while she was yelling at the class, and when she demanded to know who said it, someone pointed at kid #1. He said he didn't say it & she didn't write him up for it. However, she did threaten to take him in the bathroom & show him what a bitch she can really be which...y'all. Y'all. Mind you, we didn't hear about this from kid #1 first. The teacher told us what happened & was quite proud of herself for saying it. Now, she did not touch him, but I am uncomfortable about many parts of this situation & trying to figure out what to do. He's only got a few days left of school, & so I'm not worried about retaliation if we report it. But, I'm trying to figure out if reporting it will do any good given her complete lack of concern about telling us what she said to him. What would you do?
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Thanks to the anon for my Dreamwidth time. Much appreciated. Sorry I haven't been here as much. I've been reading more than speaking, but I should have more time now. Kid #2's IEP is mostly correct now. Finally. I had to be a bully some more at the meeting & I may have threatened folks with wrath & lawyers & federal involvement. But it is finally something like right. I got home, cried, & now I'm going to sit with myself for a while. Because I had to be this complete & total manipulative bullying asshole every day for months to get him what he needed. And I don't know how people who don't have some serious morality loopholes succeed against this system. It was not enough to be educated or professional or polite. I had to be able to be all of those things while being aggressive & quietly malicious because that is how you straddle the line between "I am a concerned parent" & "You want none of this motherfucker" so that they have to comply. I know that I got what he needed because they didn't want to see me again. I am not feeling any remorse, but I am horrified. Because if going to war is what it takes then what happens to the kids with no troops?
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Had one of those days with kid #2's school where I'm not sure I'm doing him any favors by fighting for this IEP. To be honest, despite our concerns about his social development, I'm not sure he belongs in a classroom setting at all. One on one it's clear that he's starting to read. In a group larger than 4 or 5 people? He's silent. Hell, if it's the wrong 4 or 5 people he's silent. He hates writing things down, but he'll type them with no problem. I'm seriously considering an online education program & joining some homeschooling groups & setting up some activities until we can figure out a better plan than the current one of fighting with CPS for things that don't suit his needs. Spent 30 minutes today being told he doesn't belong in general ed or special ed. He's too high functioning for any of the special ed programs, & doesn't work in groups well so gen ed classrooms will be a struggle. I might could catch a case behind how I wanted to respond, so I opted to come away before I turned the janitor's closet into my weapons locker.
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So, we gave the autism specific classroom a whirl with kid #2 for 2 days. That was a mistake. Like, an epic "Oh shit, this plan is a terrible plan. RUN!" kind of mistake. Kiddo refused to let us leave, his presence & ours sent the other kids into a tizzy, & then when he got mad & started demanding to get his stuff & go home the teacher, her aide, & the counselor all said "He's been misdiagnosed. And misplaced. He can't stay in this room." So, now they want us to bring him in on Monday to be evaluated with an eye toward him either spending afternoons with the special ed teacher & her other highest performing student or him going into a regular kindergarten class with possibly some support. We are at the point of just rescinding the IEP & having him evaluated privately, but we can't decide if we should also give CPS another crack at evaluating him. Why is parenting this hard? I like this whole mom gig way better when I know what to do.
karnythia: (Default)
So, a year go we had kid #2 evaluated on the advice of his preschool teacher who was concerned about his social skills. The assessment process was a hot mess. They lost him, switched teams mid stream, fed him enough sugar in one meal to make my teeth hurt, & tried to hug him as a diagnostic tool. They decided he was autistic and in need of services, or not in need of services at all depending upon which page of his IEP you're reading. We don't want this year to set him back socially so we went to the local public school to enroll him. Now, we all know he's not autistic. He doesn't meet the DSM criteria for it & never did. Everyone else with any training that has worked with him longer than the 12 minutes his actual assessment took agrees. He's too old for preschool (which he loved), but socially he isn't ready for a room full of boisterous 5 year old kids.

Thus far we've been told everything he doesn't have (he's not cognitively delayed, he's not autistic, he's not PDD-NOS, etc), and all that anyone is willing to hang their hat on is intense shyness & a possible expressive speech delay since he doesn't engage in casual conversation. He has some mild sensory issues (doesn't like loud noises or itchy fabrics), but neither of those are considered serious enough for occupational therapy. His fine & gross motor skills are completely on track & since he can verbally express needs/wants/random observations the speech therapist isn't sure about him qualifying for her services. Hubby & I are having the IEP redone, but they're already hinting that it will come out as not a disability that impedes his education & thus he'll get no support services. We'd pay for private services if we knew what he needed, but thus far that's not been established. We've discussed private school, but the only school we've found that works with kids who have no cognitive delays, but do have social challenges doesn't have a kindergarten. I don't want this year to be too hard on him, but I also don't want to impede the social skills we did see him developing in preschool. We can't figure out the right move & I'm contemplating tears. Thoughts? Suggestions? A guidebook to parenting?
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